This post is William's IC inbox at ataraxion. You can drop network or action stuff that doesn't quite feel like it fits or warrants a post on the main communities in here.
[ Severus watches this squirming progression with the silent attentiveness of someone very used to making other people squirm. His gaze is always intense, but right now it's particularly piercing; not aggressive, not offensive, just needlelike. As if he can puncture holes in the bubble of William's story just by looking-- to see what comes out.
Softly, ] Why is it you're so keen on asking me invasive questions but are unable to handle the scrutiny of being asked about a topic you brought up on your own?
[ His voice is a jarring contrast to his eyes. But the quicksand quality remains.
William is the one who started talking about drugs.
After what is not a very long moment at all, Severus decides he doesn't care about the answer. He rises, elegant movement and spider angles. Cowardice is worse than the language, and he doesn't want to talk about things being inside of peoples heads right now. Sometimes his own aches from the Occlumency, but even he doesn't know why; protesting being trapped, maybe. Or maybe it's being called by that previously mentioned black hole. ]
Drop the items at my office when you're able.
[ If William finds his own past that unbearable...
My questions wasn't that bad, [sounds feeble and William knows it sounds feeble. Worse, probably, unfair. His cowardice is only that.
But as he watches Severus get up, he's seized by a sudden and unexpected urge to move perpendicular to fear. His gut clutches up on itself like a badly aimed attempt to clamp his balls up as he watches the professor get up, start to turn.]
I was a whore for awhile. [His voice holds steady but sounds like he swallowed a cup of gravel between the wizard's blinks.] It wasn't my idea and I hated it, and I thought I got out when I enlisted wif Blackstone, but. [but.] Morgoth used it, when he needed.
Turned me inside out like a velvet tube wif googly-eyes. Which I suppose was just about what I was back then, on Earth, [has the register of a side note to it, to go with the furious rubbing he gives his left eye.] I tortured some people on Arima for him, and at least one of them remembers. It all smears togevver into one stinking stain when I remember.
So.
[so.
After some seconds, he decides that things are not much improved by the sudden discovery of his backbone. Jelly shreds; bone breaks. Severus has nice shoes. He would rather talk about demons, even to a guy who can probably exorcise the one he needs.]
[ He stops. Sort of. It is not a sudden, straight-backed stop of guilt or shock. It is a slowing, one step taking a longer moment than the one prior, the last one heavy with suppressed aggravation. A hand goes to his hip, his posture impatient. For a long moment he does not turn around.
When he does: ]
If you're having complications from Morgoth's magic, I can take a look at it again. If you need a therapist, you'll have to go elsewhere. Xenogen does not currently employ one.
[ Really, though, why isn't doing him a favor enough? Did William bring him here with a bullshit request just to try and have a heart to heart? The manipulative bent to telling him something that's supposed to be wrenching and sad as he tries to leave makes him bristle. What's he supposed to do with this information? Pat William on the shoulder and tell him it's fine? Give him a hug? Write a sad poem? Everyone suffers. William is not special for it, and blurting it all out does not make him want to turn his gaze soft and apologize. Severus cares about William in his own way, but whatever it is that the other man wants from him, Severus does not want to give.
(He will not forget any further revelation about what kind of monster Morgoth was.) ]
[An offer of help was more than William had expected, judging by the confused spring to his eyebrows. To the best of his own recollection, he had been answering a question about his substance use after having been knocked soundly for his evasion.] Thanks, professor. But it ain't nothing a bit of weed some days don't sort, [he says.]
[(To be fair, this is the first time he has ever been possessed by a demon.) (Certainly, it's been an ordeal of some years, but it's one continuous ordeal; he has no way of knowing.)
Help offered is better than a grimacing recoil, at any rate. If that help offered happens to be wearing a formidable scowl, well-- so has it ever. He imagines he had been too slow answering; Severus must be aggravated at the delay on his way to his next deed of exasperated samaritanship, or magical studies, or sitting in the cold darkness in his room, or whatever it is.] And thanks for the bullets. [He stands up too, bag over his shoulder.] I'll be along wif the stuff soon.
[ Right. Fine. Whatever. Severus doesn't hide his look of irritation as he moves away again. You know, not everyone who spews out a tragic tale at him gets anything besides a door slammed in their face, but by all means, William, brush it off and continue to deal with your problems by getting high.
It's not really that terrible of an issue, Severus just gets irrationally annoyed at complacency.
Once he's outside the rec room doors, he turns on his heel and vanishes. ]
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Softly, ] Why is it you're so keen on asking me invasive questions but are unable to handle the scrutiny of being asked about a topic you brought up on your own?
[ His voice is a jarring contrast to his eyes. But the quicksand quality remains.
William is the one who started talking about drugs.
After what is not a very long moment at all, Severus decides he doesn't care about the answer. He rises, elegant movement and spider angles. Cowardice is worse than the language, and he doesn't want to talk about things being inside of peoples heads right now. Sometimes his own aches from the Occlumency, but even he doesn't know why; protesting being trapped, maybe. Or maybe it's being called by that previously mentioned black hole. ]
Drop the items at my office when you're able.
[ If William finds his own past that unbearable...
Well.
He's just going to leave. ]
no subject
But as he watches Severus get up, he's seized by a sudden and unexpected urge to move perpendicular to fear. His gut clutches up on itself like a badly aimed attempt to clamp his balls up as he watches the professor get up, start to turn.]
I was a whore for awhile. [His voice holds steady but sounds like he swallowed a cup of gravel between the wizard's blinks.] It wasn't my idea and I hated it, and I thought I got out when I enlisted wif Blackstone, but. [but.] Morgoth used it, when he needed.
Turned me inside out like a velvet tube wif googly-eyes. Which I suppose was just about what I was back then, on Earth, [has the register of a side note to it, to go with the furious rubbing he gives his left eye.] I tortured some people on Arima for him, and at least one of them remembers. It all smears togevver into one stinking stain when I remember.
So.
[so.
After some seconds, he decides that things are not much improved by the sudden discovery of his backbone. Jelly shreds; bone breaks. Severus has nice shoes. He would rather talk about demons, even to a guy who can probably exorcise the one he needs.]
no subject
When he does: ]
If you're having complications from Morgoth's magic, I can take a look at it again. If you need a therapist, you'll have to go elsewhere. Xenogen does not currently employ one.
[ Really, though, why isn't doing him a favor enough? Did William bring him here with a bullshit request just to try and have a heart to heart? The manipulative bent to telling him something that's supposed to be wrenching and sad as he tries to leave makes him bristle. What's he supposed to do with this information? Pat William on the shoulder and tell him it's fine? Give him a hug? Write a sad poem? Everyone suffers. William is not special for it, and blurting it all out does not make him want to turn his gaze soft and apologize. Severus cares about William in his own way, but whatever it is that the other man wants from him, Severus does not want to give.
(He will not forget any further revelation about what kind of monster Morgoth was.) ]
thx for the thread, im flying out now **/
[(To be fair, this is the first time he has ever been possessed by a demon.) (Certainly, it's been an ordeal of some years, but it's one continuous ordeal; he has no way of knowing.)
Help offered is better than a grimacing recoil, at any rate. If that help offered happens to be wearing a formidable scowl, well-- so has it ever. He imagines he had been too slow answering; Severus must be aggravated at the delay on his way to his next deed of exasperated samaritanship, or magical studies, or sitting in the cold darkness in his room, or whatever it is.] And thanks for the bullets. [He stands up too, bag over his shoulder.] I'll be along wif the stuff soon.
Hope fings get better.
have a good/safe flight!!
It's not really that terrible of an issue, Severus just gets irrationally annoyed at complacency.
Once he's outside the rec room doors, he turns on his heel and vanishes. ]