This post is William's IC inbox at ataraxion. You can drop network or action stuff that doesn't quite feel like it fits or warrants a post on the main communities in here.
[ It's still surreal, seeing those dead chunks of flesh at the ends of her arms. Kate has to force herself to keep staring at them, reminding herself that yes, those are really her hands. What's left of them. The tight clench of her jaw doesn't really stop the shudder that runs subtly through her. ]
Try anything you want. It's not like I have anything to lose at this point, is it? [ Everything she wants to do right now is impossible. Clench her fists until nails bite into her palms. Rub knuckles into her forehead and between her eyes. Scratch at the scar tissue just below her elbow where Mitchell ripped into her arm. She just sits unnaturally still, letting tension root her to the chair. Only eyebrows shift, lifting marginally. ]
I thought non-recon people had this, too. Sirius has got a dead ear.
Could be that as well, [William agrees. A beat.] Someone should probably see to Sirius' ear, [he adds, brow furrowing, but he makes himself move on. Somebody probably did. He will do it later. Kate's hand thing is pretty serious also.
Again, he isn't weird about touching them. While the presence or absence of nanites would be interesting, intervention is more his bag than anything, so he sets down the scanner and closes his hands gently around the floppy dead fish hunks o' Kate she has on the table for him.] Did it start at the same time as the rest of the symptoms last month? [he asks. He's listening for her answer, but he's concentrating too.
Seeing if his gift can't kindle something in the minute functions of her cells.] Did it stop spreading when the evil robots was taken out?
Up to him. [ That's all she has to say about Sirius. She thinks someone probably should, because it's gross and black, but she only got a glimpse a while back, maybe his healed.
Her nose twitches once as William touches her hands. She still can't feel it, she's just sympathetic to how gross it is, even if he doesn't seem to mind. She glances up at his face as he concentrates, just a little bit curious about his process. ] Yes and yes.
What sort of things are happening to recon people?
should all scans, magic, etc. come back as IT'S DEEEAD JIM
Changes in a few pretty key domains of functioning, [William replies. The answer sounds rote because it is: he's talked about this to a few people now.] In motor, affect, circadian rhythms. Like yours truly. I mean there's worse things than not getting kip, obviously-- I ain't tired. But it does seem like things we was able to do before ain't happening anymore. Started at the beginning of the last cycle.
[There's a lapsing silence.]
If you haven't got anything like that, I'm glad to hear it. I like to think it isn't everybody, [which is probably why the absence of yet more alarming medical PSAs,] and you've got enough shit going on.
p much. same as anybody else who had stage 3 necrosis
[ Not sleeping but never being tired doesn't sound so bad to Kate, actually. She looks William over more carefully than before, for some subtle sign of its wearing on him. ] What happens when you try? Just... nothing?
[ She'd still rather talk about him, or others, what collection of issues he's collected reports of. Motor, affect, and Circadian rhythms don't sound familiar unless you count this thing with her hands, or more mundane sleeping difficulties, but she knows that's not what he's getting at. Weird things that began in that timeframe. If he just stopped there and didn't go asking-without-asking if she's unaffected, if silence didn't mean letting him assume that and giving shoddy data about what's happening to all her fellow teammates.... ]
I think I have something. But it's different, it's not medical.
[The healing isn't taking. William's gift works far slower than many powers of regeneration, but this much he can tell. There's nothing. He might as well be holding a drumstick, cold and clammy and defeathered and separated from its body of origin for some time. Fortunately, he's worked with enough corpses-- when he was actually attending medical school-- not to be overly off-put by this.
Hell.] Yeah. Sometimes my body's a little tired. Like sore feet or your back being funny from standing up too long. But it's like I been taking coffee every few hours-- not sleepy. It's fucking weird. [William smiles at her. Probably 'fucking weird' is negligible in comparison with her present situation, but it might be a little reassuring. He lets go of her hands in a moment, sets then down gently on the table so they don't have to flop around grossly by themselves. He gets a syringe out.]
That is weird. But maybe not bad, exactly. Though I assume it will get bad, because everything here does. [ Kate lets her hands loll on the table, fingers bouncing slightly as they settle, no muscle strength to hold them still after the impact, slight as it is. She looks at the syringe, but doesn't protest.
She does hesitate at his question. Her lips purse like she's considering, the words an unpleasant taste in her mouth. They come out reluctant but firm. ] If I tell you it needs to stay confidential. Like completely one hundred percent between us.
[It seems both weird to stop in the middle of collecting a sample for important disclosures, but also weird to not stop, considering she won't feel a thing and probably doesn't want to think about that and almost certainly shouldn't watch. Wavering for an instant, William remembers she sort of blanketly gave consent moments ago anyway. Sticks her in between her right ring and middle fingers, as inobtrusive as you can do something like that, and says at the same time:]
Of course. I been trying to protect privacy about everybody's symptoms, no identifiers, no specifics. If you want to be left out of even that, I understand and will do.
[ Kate wants to flinch, but she feels nothing as the needle sinks into her hand. She watches for a moment, and then lifts her eyes to William. ] I want to be left out of that. If it becomes necessary at some point, important to understanding what's going on, then maybe. But for now, one hundred percent confidential.
[ She fixes him with a serious look for a long moment, and then whether he accedes under her attention or stays quiet, she assumes from what he's already said that he's agreed to it. She looks back to her hand, the needle sticking out between her fingers. ]
I can't lie about certain things. If someone asks me a question and I try to lie, I physically can't do it. It's not guilt or that I'm bad at it, the words just don't come out no matter how hard I try. I haven't figured out all the specific parameters but it definitely started at that same time.
Fuuuck. [William looks at once intrigued and concerned.] Well, I'd.
I'd call that a behavioral compulsion. But it does sound pretty fucking impossible to box up in normal terminology. [The syringe makes short work of sample collection, and he removes it with a quick, clinical shift of his wrist. Caps the needle again and then, a little ridiculously, finds a small round band-aid to press over the hole on her greying corpse-hand.]
I'll let you know if we break ground toward a cure, yeah? [He looks at her, steady. No false reassurances. It is what it is.]
Yeah. [ Kate's agreement flat, but her everything is kind of flat right now. Understandably. At least the bandaid draws a quirk of brows and mouth, not quite a smile but a sort of amusement. Cute, William. She looks up and glances to her hands and then back to him somewhat pointedly. ]
For those, or for the other thing? [ She says those like are you serious?. But she looks equally skeptical either way. ]
The other thing, [William says. He doesn't sound very starry-eyed about his optimism, but it probably is that. Talk of cures aboard the Tranquility, it's adorable really-- but at least they extracted a lot of small evil nanites. That was something.]
These--
[He doesn't touch them again but the urge is there, a normal gesture that would have been normal if they were't flopping around fishily, limp on the ends of her wrists.] Artificial prostheses with various modular options, or cloned replicas of your originals. As you prefer, love.
[ Again Kate nods. ] Yeah. I've heard. [ She ducks her head to scratch her forehead against her shoulder and then jerks her chin back up in a question. ] What sort of "modular options"? [ She sounds skeptical, wary, kind of curious. It's not the most positive tone but it's a tone, so that's something. Right? ]
Well all the prosthetics can be removed. Like, we make what's basically a socket which don't move, then you can put the hands back on or take 'em off. [William folds his arms over his chest thoughtfully.] But we could also make one or more of the fingers removable, in case there's later opportunity to replace them, upgrade them, or something like.
Kate would really like to pinch the base of her nose right now, dig her knuckles in just below her brows and squeeze. Her arm shifts, muscles moving in preparation for it, before she remembers that her inability to do just that is the entire reason for her visit. She catches herself before her hand actually leaves the table, elbow going slack again with just a flutter through nose and jaw to give away the anger that floods her. ]
Right. And what's the catch with the synthesized clone option?
:( kate] I wouldn't call it a catch. They'll be new, [he says.] I mean-- literally, brand new, the skin and the pain receptors and the muscle tone and everything. As if a baby was born grown-up size. Basically, it'll take some time to recover your previous level of functioning. Just teaching yourself all that shit over again. The nature's all there, you've just got to put in the work for the nurture.
You'll have the same fingerprints and everything. [William folds his hands near her dead appendages. Doesn't touch, but makes a point not to get weird about them either. Gently, ish,] And they'll ming something stanky when you been sweating your palms all over your bow long enough, just like before.
[ Now she's picturing baby hands but adult-sized. Like actual baby hands, with pudgy little fingers that can't do a damn thing. Her current hands jerk up and drop again, another aborted reflex, this one to cover her mouth when she barks a laugh at William's assurance that her fingerprints will be the same. She lowers her head, brow on the very edge of the table. It tilts in a shake from there before she picks it up again. ]
You ever watch the Matrix? That really old movie might have been before your time. The one about fucking robots taking over, with that white bloke, uh. Who was h-- Reeves, [his eyes widen with inspiration.] It'll be like when Reeves came out of the Matrix. Did you see it? Did your Earth have that one?
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no subject
Try anything you want. It's not like I have anything to lose at this point, is it? [ Everything she wants to do right now is impossible. Clench her fists until nails bite into her palms. Rub knuckles into her forehead and between her eyes. Scratch at the scar tissue just below her elbow where Mitchell ripped into her arm. She just sits unnaturally still, letting tension root her to the chair. Only eyebrows shift, lifting marginally. ]
I thought non-recon people had this, too. Sirius has got a dead ear.
no subject
Again, he isn't weird about touching them. While the presence or absence of nanites would be interesting, intervention is more his bag than anything, so he sets down the scanner and closes his hands gently around the floppy dead fish hunks o' Kate she has on the table for him.] Did it start at the same time as the rest of the symptoms last month? [he asks. He's listening for her answer, but he's concentrating too.
Seeing if his gift can't kindle something in the minute functions of her cells.] Did it stop spreading when the evil robots was taken out?
no subject
Her nose twitches once as William touches her hands. She still can't feel it, she's just sympathetic to how gross it is, even if he doesn't seem to mind. She glances up at his face as he concentrates, just a little bit curious about his process. ] Yes and yes.
What sort of things are happening to recon people?
should all scans, magic, etc. come back as IT'S DEEEAD JIM
[There's a lapsing silence.]
If you haven't got anything like that, I'm glad to hear it. I like to think it isn't everybody, [which is probably why the absence of yet more alarming medical PSAs,] and you've got enough shit going on.
p much. same as anybody else who had stage 3 necrosis
[ She'd still rather talk about him, or others, what collection of issues he's collected reports of. Motor, affect, and Circadian rhythms don't sound familiar unless you count this thing with her hands, or more mundane sleeping difficulties, but she knows that's not what he's getting at. Weird things that began in that timeframe. If he just stopped there and didn't go asking-without-asking if she's unaffected, if silence didn't mean letting him assume that and giving shoddy data about what's happening to all her fellow teammates.... ]
I think I have something. But it's different, it's not medical.
no subject
Hell.] Yeah. Sometimes my body's a little tired. Like sore feet or your back being funny from standing up too long. But it's like I been taking coffee every few hours-- not sleepy. It's fucking weird. [William smiles at her. Probably 'fucking weird' is negligible in comparison with her present situation, but it might be a little reassuring. He lets go of her hands in a moment, sets then down gently on the table so they don't have to flop around grossly by themselves. He gets a syringe out.]
What've you had then?
no subject
She does hesitate at his question. Her lips purse like she's considering, the words an unpleasant taste in her mouth. They come out reluctant but firm. ] If I tell you it needs to stay confidential. Like completely one hundred percent between us.
no subject
Of course. I been trying to protect privacy about everybody's symptoms, no identifiers, no specifics. If you want to be left out of even that, I understand and will do.
no subject
[ She fixes him with a serious look for a long moment, and then whether he accedes under her attention or stays quiet, she assumes from what he's already said that he's agreed to it. She looks back to her hand, the needle sticking out between her fingers. ]
I can't lie about certain things. If someone asks me a question and I try to lie, I physically can't do it. It's not guilt or that I'm bad at it, the words just don't come out no matter how hard I try. I haven't figured out all the specific parameters but it definitely started at that same time.
no subject
I'd call that a behavioral compulsion. But it does sound pretty fucking impossible to box up in normal terminology. [The syringe makes short work of sample collection, and he removes it with a quick, clinical shift of his wrist. Caps the needle again and then, a little ridiculously, finds a small round band-aid to press over the hole on her greying corpse-hand.]
I'll let you know if we break ground toward a cure, yeah? [He looks at her, steady. No false reassurances. It is what it is.]
no subject
For those, or for the other thing? [ She says those like are you serious?. But she looks equally skeptical either way. ]
no subject
These--
[He doesn't touch them again but the urge is there, a normal gesture that would have been normal if they were't flopping around fishily, limp on the ends of her wrists.] Artificial prostheses with various modular options, or cloned replicas of your originals. As you prefer, love.
no subject
no subject
IS IT SOMETHING
OR IS KATE JUST JUDGING
KATE]
Well all the prosthetics can be removed. Like, we make what's basically a socket which don't move, then you can put the hands back on or take 'em off. [William folds his arms over his chest thoughtfully.] But we could also make one or more of the fingers removable, in case there's later opportunity to replace them, upgrade them, or something like.
no subject
It is not judging it is
trying
really
hard
not to haVE A BREAKDOWN
Kate would really like to pinch the base of her nose right now, dig her knuckles in just below her brows and squeeze. Her arm shifts, muscles moving in preparation for it, before she remembers that her inability to do just that is the entire reason for her visit. She catches herself before her hand actually leaves the table, elbow going slack again with just a flutter through nose and jaw to give away the anger that floods her. ]
Right. And what's the catch with the synthesized clone option?
no subject
:( kate] I wouldn't call it a catch. They'll be new, [he says.] I mean-- literally, brand new, the skin and the pain receptors and the muscle tone and everything. As if a baby was born grown-up size. Basically, it'll take some time to recover your previous level of functioning. Just teaching yourself all that shit over again. The nature's all there, you've just got to put in the work for the nurture.
You'll have the same fingerprints and everything. [William folds his hands near her dead appendages. Doesn't touch, but makes a point not to get weird about them either. Gently, ish,] And they'll ming something stanky when you been sweating your palms all over your bow long enough, just like before.
no subject
I don't know what that means. Any of those words.
AM I 4THWALLING?? pretend i didnt if anyone asks
You ever watch the Matrix? That really old movie might have been before your time. The one about fucking robots taking over, with that white bloke, uh. Who was h-- Reeves, [his eyes widen with inspiration.] It'll be like when Reeves came out of the Matrix. Did you see it? Did your Earth have that one?